I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
