There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize