I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
