Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
