I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
