btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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