and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
