and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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