Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
