you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
