Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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