I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
