i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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