Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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