i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
