SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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