He is such a slut. More and more my type.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
