do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
