high people should be assigned attendants
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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