I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
