The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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