We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
