Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
