It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
