You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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