easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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