It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
