Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
