That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
