Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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