y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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