dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
