This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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