Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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