gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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