what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize