it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
