I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
