Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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