Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
