we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
