Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
