Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Im part way to drunk.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
