it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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