dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
