My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
