dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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