shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize