my vag is so smooth its legendary
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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