I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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