This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
