and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I could make wine with my vomit
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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