I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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