Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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