FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
