You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
