Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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