Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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