It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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