I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize