end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
