Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
