We're like a lot better than the average bears
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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