Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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