in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
