I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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