i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
