The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
